The aim of this study was to obtain information about the reasons for continued high-risk behavior, and about the emotional costs of protection. Sixty-four gay men (none of whom was knowingly HIV-positive) were interviewed. Seventeen of them had had unprotected anal intercourse with at least two different partners during the last year, without knowing their own or their partners' HIV-status. When compared to the safer ones, these 17 showed no less knowledge about transmission. But there were clear differences between the two groups regarding their social situation, the most important of these being the lack of social network and a supporting environment among most of the 17. Sexuality then becomes the main way to close contact with others, and this makes them dread changing, and makes them deny the anxiety they feel. Further, safer sex is often experienced as emotionally colder, as expressions of distrust, and as a reminder of death. To receive the semen is traditionally valued as a commitment to the partner. Sexual acts compose a language of love and affection, and the protective measures destroy this language.